The Veras

Loa Jean Ruchti Petrell Brewer

2011-10-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

Today has been a wonderful day! Woke up to my little girls "goo goo gaa gaa" -ing, fed her breakfast, started watching "Gnomeo and Juliet" (super cute from what I saw), made Michael breakfast in bed, and finished the day just hanging out the three of us! As I sat here next to Michael, I started remembering this time last year...

It was October 16th, 2010- my little brother Lucs birthday. He was turning 12! I was 5 months pregnant, and went to his birthday party at the karate studio... Our Granny wasnt doing well at all, had had a bad fall, and a little stay at the hospital. She was then living at my parents house, had refused any of her medication, and had made the decision to "let nature take its course". At Lucs birthday party my mom asked me to go to the house and take over a shift of watching Granny. She was barely even there... mostly was just staring off in another world. I got to the house and took over for the Relief Society Pres. Sister Dotson. The three of us were in that room together, and boy could you feel the spirit. I was standing next to Grannys bed talking to Sis. Dotson, and Granny shot up from laying down, grabbed my pregnant tummy, and smiled so big! She gave a sort of laugh like in awe. And then, just as quick as it came, it left and she laid back down. She was the most stubborn lady I've ever met! She was such a trooper! She stayed as long as she could, in my opinion, so she didnt ruin Lucs birthday. She died Sunday morning, while everyone was sleeping. I miss her so much. I miss her crazyness, her energy, the way she moaned after every bite of her taco bell tacos. I am so sad I wasn't able to see her with my daughter. I wish I could hear her laugh again, not only in my thoughts. But I know I will someday- Till we meet again Granny! I Love You!

Making mistakes

2011-09-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

A "friend" told me some really awful things earlier this week...

*You're raising a brat
*We all love her now, we'll all hate her later
*You're raising a child that no one will want to watch, even if you pay them
*Well atleast she has your mother watching her while you are working... she'll "right" the "wrongs" you teach her.
*You need to discipline your 6 month old.
*You're the problem.

Gosh... I can't, or rather- I don't WANT to remember what else she said. I was in shock when she said these things to me... I kept it together and when she left I just broke down crying. I have never been questioned on my parenting. I know I'm not perfect... I'M NEW AT THIS. But I know that I am the best MOM for Elayna. And I know she LOVES me. I ofcourse have been trying to pass it all off with a joke, a laugh, and a smile... but it's been eating away at me. I've been questioning myself, am I spoiling her? Am I screwing everything up???

But I have decided just a few minutes ago, to just let it go. Holding onto these thoughts are stunting me... they're keeping me from progressing. They dont help me be the Mom I want to be, they keep me afraid of making the normal mistakes. I'm going to make mistakes. But that doesnt take away from the great parent that I already am... It actually will make me a better parent through the experience of it. So to that "friend"... Thanks for the help on learning which opinions matter, and which do not...

I love my family! I don't know where I'd be without my awesome husband Michael and our amazing and independent daughter Elayna!! I can't wait for all the mistakes I'll make in life, and the lessons I'll learn from them!!

LOVE TO YOU.

Elayna Moiraine is 6 months!!

2011-09-15T20:01:00.000-07:00

Our little girl turned 6 months on September 9th!! Here are a few of her awesome 6 month photos done by Cuppa T Photography!

We LOVE you Elayna Moiraine Vera!

both my sweeties are napping....

2011-09-09T17:25:00.000-07:00

So time for me to get some stuff done right?

Today our little girl is 6 months old. Everything has been flying through my head all day. How excited we were getting to the hospital, how freaked out I was when my water broke, how painful the contractions were, how sweet my husband was being to me, how scared I was going into the operating room, how perfect her first cry was, our first "silent conversation through eye contact" as parents, the first hour being parents... So many wonderful memories in a day...

every single day since then has been even more filled with coo-ing, giggles, jibber-jabber, smiles, hugs, naps, playtime, and it just keeps getting better.

Today Elayna woke up sick, coughing, not wanting anything, and not being happy with nothing. We think she's cutting teeth right now, but we'll see. Even though she hasnt been feeling well, I'm so thankful to be able to take a sick day and be with her all day on her 6 month birthday. I'm such a blessed wife and mommy!

Here are a few pictures of Elayna on her 6 Months!

LOL!!! I just realized I had her wearing a "My 1st Valentine's Day" Bib... hey... it was free. :) Thank goodness for wonderful family and "hand-me-downs". :) We are blessed!!!!

Squeaky Clean!

2011-08-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

There are always milestones in a relationship...

Becoming official boyfriend/girlfriend, first kiss,

the proposal, wedding day, moving into your first place,

finding out your pregnant, having a child, etc...

Our family had a milestone this month.

Michael decided to take the missionary discussions,

and was baptized into the church.

What an amazing day it was!

I am so thankful for a husband who is willing to change

for the better of our family.

He is such an example to me, and to our daughter.

I am so in love with you Michael, and I can't wait to be sealed to you.

Me, Michael, Elayna, E. Spurlin, E. Booher, & E. Kane

Saturday, August 20th, 2011

A year or so later...

2011-08-27T22:27:00.000-07:00

Well... What a year it has been! Michael and I found out late June 2010 that we were expecting a baby.

Pregnancy, holidays, moving, ETC.

We sold and packed up everything we had, ready to move across the country to Chicago, IL. (Where Michael's family is from) All the job leads Michael had fell through, which helped us both realize Chicago just wasn't for us. Michael came back to St George a month before we had our sweet baby girl.

Elayna Moiraine Vera was born March 9th, 2011. Our birthplan was to tough it out and go all natural. Boy were we wrong! After 17 1/2 hours laboring, (12 of which were unmedicated) the Dr told us we were headed for cesarean. Elayna was 7lb 15oz and 21 3/4 inches long. We are so blessed and happy with her!

Everyday with her is the best day of my life! Her giggles, snuggles and smiles keep me going. She's almost 6 months and is sitting up like a pro! She loves to giggle at her daddy, swim, snuggling with her bedtime bear, and to watch Cat in the Hat and Spongebob Squarepants!

I'll write soon... or maybe this will be just an annual thing. who knows?

-Shiv

The Vera's Plus One

2010-06-28T17:56:00.000-07:00

That's right friends- we made a bay-bee!! :) Pretty crazy-fun rollercoaster goin on right now in my head. (in our heads)

We went to the Dr's today, we are a wee 4 weeks and 3 days along, very early... but our due date is set for March 4th 2010. We're going back in 3 weeks for our first ultrasound, to see our bay-bee for the first time. I'm so thankful and oh-so happy. Our lives aren't perfect and we have our troubles here and there, but I am so excited to be building our family together.

Life is good. Love ya.

Alright.... DO OVER!

2010-05-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

Here's the dealio.

I wanted to restart my blogging.
Michael decided he wanted to start his own.
We then decided we would both have our own, and that I would make another blog for "us".
I've come to the realization that -

I DONT HAVE TIME OR CARE TO HAVE THE TIME FOR TWO BLOGS!

So I'll be working on revamping THIS blog to be the "us" blog. (It'll mainly be me anyways. :p)

K... here's to me re-doing all of this....

2010-05-10T16:42:00.001-07:00

This is a test- "Hukill" style....

Hellllll-O!

2009-03-24T08:41:00.000-07:00

So I'm being told that I HAVE to update my blog. Wow... I have nothing to say right now. So I guess I'll just say that I'm more happy than not in life. I'm excited to be married to Michael and be together... I'm ready to be done with the long distance thing. I'm happy I've renewed my motivation for going to the gym. (Thank you Mavvy for making me go even tho I was mad and didn't want to) And that's about it. Oh and I'm hungry right now. Peace!

Ring around the rosies, a pocket full of posies...

2009-03-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

My friend Janae wrote a blog yesterday that really made me smile today. She expressed her own feelings/thoughts, and it is how I have felt for the last 10 or so months. It was very sweet and heartfelt... you should check it out if lovey stuff doesn't make you gag too much.

Her blog is http://www.shortestnae.blogspot.com

So it's almost been a whole month that Michael and I have been officially engaged. I'm so happy. The first week I was weirded out by the ring on my left hand. It was uncomfortable and I was so scared of losing it or hurting it in any way. Now if I take it off it is uncomfortable and I feel like somethings wrong. It's sad too because the ring is kind of sharp and it scratches Michaels arm ALL THE TIME. But I keep telling him to get used to it, because I'm not giving it back!! :)

So the wedding is going to be July 18th, 2009. It's a little over 4 month away. CRAZY! So we're busy figuring things out and looking through a ton of Bridal magazines!!

Other than the whole wedding thing, the only other new things in my life are that I've realized I want to start a group date night kinda thing. Have Michael and I go out with other couples and see a movie, go bowling, etc. Dates like when you aren't exclusive and you want to be fun, and laugh... I want to re-capture that.

OH! And I did my taxes and I'm getting an amazing return! So that's awesome...

Here's another thing- I've started going to the gym in January of this year. And I'll be honest I haven't gone ALL THE TIME. But I'm really proud of myself. I've been going to the morning classes and I love it. I love that someone is there directing me, so I'm doing the work out correctly. I go with my friend Laura and she's so supportive. Even when she laughs at me cause I look funny or do something wrong, I know she's there willing to help.

so yeah, that's all for today I'm sick of typing. Oh, if you have an idea for a honeymoon- let me know. We can't seem to decide. We don't want to spend a ton, but we want to have a fun, relaxing, romantic trip. Tell me your ideas and what you did for your honeymoons... See ya!

Fun, Family, and Hilary Clinton! Yay!

2009-02-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

So first of all.... I heart sweedish fish. Okay... moving on.

Michael and I have had a "thing" with 11:11. And on our way back home from California, we stopped in Baker, CA for gas and drinks... and the gas shut off at $11.11!! Crazy huh? So ofcourse I had to take a picture... Oh and just so you know, the pictures loaded backwards... so we started at the end of the trip and we're "tarantino-ing" it. :) If you get the reference I'll give you a high five...

So Saturday night Michael and I got a hotel out in Anaheim somewhere. So we were pretty hungry so we went to Denny's and ordered "to go". While we were waiting for our order, there was one of those things full of stuffed animals... the thing with the claw where you try to pick up the stuffed animal and drop it into the bin as a prize? I have no clue what to call it. ANYWAY- When ever we see those Michael always asks me "hey want me to win you that?" and this time I actually said "YES!". So he started going for them. I decided I wanted to Betty Boop- but she wasn't budging. :( So anyway, we decided one more dollar then thats it! A dollar gives you two tries, so we went for a girl doll, and Michael got her and as she was being dragged over to the bin she fell out of the claw! So with the last try, Michael grabbed her by the feet and Waaa-Laaa! The best thing about it... is that it was a Hillary Clinton 2008 doll! Yeah... right...

So on Sunday we went to Portillo's. It's one of Michael's favorite restaurants. He grew up eating there out in Chicago. Anyhoo- we go there with my sister Tymbre and her cute little daughter Hope. It was Yummy. Well after, we went to the mall right next to it and Michael saw this sign. They spelled "portillo's" wrong... Awesome.

Michael with his amazing sloppy sandwich. :) I couldnt handle it... but my chicken sandwich was awesome!!!

Here's Michael "feeding" Hope. Hahahahaha! Hope had Mangos!

Little Hope. So cute, and just loving. She looks at you and you just melt. Anyway- this is a short one, but I don't really feel very well.

I heart my family, and I heart my future husband. :)

Telling someone to shut up... can't get better than that.

2009-01-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

So today is a boring Friday here at WaMu... I'm here at my station staring at the blank "Blog Posting" page, wondering what my next rant will be. I've been staring at this screen between customers since 10am. No inspiration. But leave it to WaMu customers... they always come thru with being stupid, jerky, annoying, and just all-around horrible. So yay for me, my last customer was a douche and now I have something to write about.

By the way, I'm pretty sure that I start all of my blogs with "So". I'll be looking into that.

So anyway, I told a customer to "Shut up and listen, you never stop talking" about an hour ago. And stupid me, I still feel awesome from it! I'm so bad... and I love it. Hmmm... I was going to tell the story, but I just dont care to. All you probably care to hear is he was a douche, I am smarter than him, and I told him to shut up. LOL. I sometimes love my life, and at that moment, it couldn't get any better.

Goals and Fun-ness!

2009-01-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

So all my life, I've been short and chubby. I've always had the "Like me for who I am" kind of attitude... But have recently had some thoughts on my life healthwise. I've had 3 "episodes" this past year. Where my heart starts racing and I can't breath. And after I catch my breath and calm down I just lay there- no energy, nothing. It's a pretty scary thing.

Anyway... (that ones for you Mike haha) I got my motivation this year. I'm going to turn my life around and make better choices for myself. My boyfriend who loves me no matter what - is just so amazing. So motivating, so helpful. I love him. He and I went to Gold's Gym last night to take a tour and check out the prices. The gym is awesome! It has a ton of classes that are free with a membership, Im excited to try the urban hip hop aerobics class and the spin class. There's the spin class room, the aerobics room, a pool for laps (YAY!), a sauna, and then a steam room (they said theres a difference but I can't remember what it was) a basketball room for Michael to play, and my FAVORITE is the "Cinema Cardio" room! It's a pitch black room with elipticals and treadmills with a big movie screen and movies playing all day long. I'm soooo excited for that. Michael is driving up today after work to go to the gym with me for our first time at Gold's and then after we're watching AMERICAN IDOL! Whoo-Hoo!!! So yeah... I love my boyfriend.

Crying Eyes

2009-01-09T13:10:00.000-08:00

So last night I watched the movie P.S. I Love You. Can I just scream and yell at all my girlfriends who have told me how great that movie is?!?!?! The first 20 minutes is all showing you how incredibly in love this couple is. And then BOOM they're all sitting in a bar having an Irish funeral service for the man. He died from a brain tumor. The rest of the movie shows her trying to cope with the feeling of being left behind. And by the way, Michael wants to be cremated... I dont want that- and I don't want him to want that... but oh well. In the movie "Jerry" was cremated and she took his ashes with her to their house and put "him" on the end of the bed, would fill up a mug of coffee and set it on top of his urn for him to drink. Freaking weird at first, and then I really felt for her. She was starting her life with her husband, they both wanted a family, etc... and he was taken away from her, her LIFE was taken away. I was crying my eyes out last night for 2 hours. Because while watching the movie I would picture myself. And I know I would be doing worse than her. How can you expect someone to come back to work and just live their life without the person they chose to live life with? I'm not sure if it comes out right, but I would be beyond repair. Anyways, it was a good movie- but I'm definitely deleting it from my computer tonight. Its just too depressing to think of being in her situation.

Hair... Love... and other randoms

2009-01-07T09:01:00.000-08:00

(Just a picture on my phone of the picture at the LUXOR... crappy but oh well)

So I've just got to say - I am LOVIN' my hair the past week and a half. ESPECIALLY yesterday and today. It was the first time in like a month that I curled my hair.

Monday night I went to be with Michael since I had yesterday off of work. So he woke me up to say goodbye when he was leaving for work. I fell right back to sleep- and about an hour later he woke me up again cause he decided when he was halfway to work that he would call in so we could spend the day together!! He's so sweet and thoughtful. Oh- and it's such a "whatever" kinda thing, but I was out of shampoo and so on his way back to the house he stopped off at the store and bought me a new big one. :) So cute...

SO! Yesterday he and I just dozed in and out of sleep, watched tv, and then decided to get ready for the day. So I did the whole make-up thing(it's been so long haha), as well as curling my hair... I loved it.

So then we went the the Aliante Station Casino for breakfast at the Pancake House. So here's the thing about the Pancake House....

(in imitation of Michael)

FIRST- the waitress was using a fake accent, which was just terrible.

AND B- I ordered an orange juice to come with the meal and at the end when we got the bill we realized that it was freaking 4.69 for the ORANGE JUICE! RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, so after breakfast we went to Fry's Electronics so I could buy a zip-drive thingy. I got a 4GB for 12 bucks so that's cool. :)

And from there we went to the Luxor to see the Titanic Exhibit. If you really really know me, you know how much I LOVE anything to do with the Titanic. I still have my ticket stub from like 1997 or something for the opening night at the La Verne Edwards Theatre. Anyhoo, we went into the Titanic Exhibit and it was so awesome to see the real dishes, clothing, glasses, jewelry, port-holes, and the huge chunk of the side of the boat. It was amazing. The best part (in my opinion) was where we walked into a room of the exhibit and it was a replica of the grand staircase that led to the ballroom... a guy with a camera told us to go stand on the staircase together and he took our picture. Mav was making fun of it, but I told him I would be buying the pictures no matter what. :)

From there we went to the Fashion Show mall and I got my foundation that ofcourse I cannot buy in St. George!!

And then we went back to the Aliante Station Casino for dinner at the buffet. It was pretty yummy, my favorite was the penne pasta. It was scrum-duddle-y-umptious!

It was such a great day. I had so much fun with him, no matter what we do, I'm so happy just being with him.

I'm so happy with my life. I have my moments of sadness, confusion, frustration... but it just makes my feelings and opinions even stronger about the good in my life. I love my family, my boyfriend, and my real friends. I'm so looking forward to 2009, it's going to be so great!

Hate is such a strong word....

2008-12-31T16:07:00.000-08:00

I HATE WORK.

I HATE STUPID PEOPLE.

I HATE BEING IN CHARGE AND TREATED LIKE CRAP.

I HATE LONG LINES.

I HATE PEOPLE WHO NEED AN EXPLANATION FOR EVERYTHING.

I HATE DUMB CO-WORKERS.

I HATE USING MY LUNCH BREAK TO DO NORMAL DAY TO DAY ERRANDS.

I HATE PEOPLE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME.

I HATE BEING GULLABLE.

I HATE THAT I CAN DISH IT, BUT CAN'T TAKE IT.

I HATE HOW RICH PEOPLE THINK THEY'RE MORE IMPORTANT.

I HATE WORKING THE DRIVE THRU.

I HATE WAITING.

I HATE STUPID OLD MEN JOKES.

I HATE WHEN I ASK PEOPLE HOW THEY'D LIKE THEIR CASH AND THEY SAY "SPENDABLE" OR "GREEN". JUST ANSWER MY DAMN QUESTION.

I HATE BEING TIRED.

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DONT KNOW THEIR ACCOUNT NUMBERS.

I HATE WHEN CUSTOMER DONT FILL OUT THEIR OWN DEPOSIT SLIPS.

I HATE WHEN CUSTOMERS SMELL LIKE THEY'VE BEEN SLEEPING IN THE GARBAGE.

I HATE GETTING TO WORK WHEN THE SUN ISNT OUT YET, AND GETTING OUT OF WORK AFTER THE SUN SETS.

I HATE, HATE, HATE....

After Christmas Blues...

2008-12-27T09:03:00.000-08:00

So I can't remember even one year that I was in the Christmas mood. Sure I've been excited to see my family, have us all together... but I've never been a Christmas kinda girl. This year was no exception.

It's my boyfriend and I's first Christmas together... and we spent it apart. So that wasn't fun. But both my brothers and their fiance/wife were coming plus the cute little niece Elissa! So while they were here, I was preoccupied with spending time with them... cherishing the little time we had together. I love my brothers. Whit- no matter what he says, I laugh. He's amazing at telling stories, so animated and his impersonations are hilarious. I love him. Cigi- for the most part he's a self starter. He sees something or someone that needs help and he does what he can. I came home from work and he was cleaning the backyard in the dark. He was taking out the trash, and he was helping me with my secret project. I love him. I love my sister in law Jasmine. Even though we rarely talk, she's one of my best friends. I can tell her anything and know that I won't recieve judgement in return. Marlene- I cannot wait to officially be sisters with her. Not only is she one of the most "REAL" girls I've ever met, but she has always been uplifting and supportive. No matter what. And oh my gosh they are both so gorgeous!!

My dad played Santa for us all on Christmas Eve. It was pretty hilarious. The first set of "ho ho ho"s when he came in the door were perfect then after that he sounded like a Santa who was about to keel over and die. He was weezing and gosh... it was hilarious. Whit was copying "Santa" all night after that. :) We sat down for our Christmas Eve family dinner and the cutest thing ever - Elissa looked at her plate of salad and said "where's brocolli??" So adorable that all we could do is start looking for brocolli. And ofcourse the rest of the time together was filled with "where's the brocolli?" She's a good eater. Elissa is my little best friend. She loves so freely and unconditionally. She accepts everyone and her smile just makes me melt. Tuesday night when I got home from work she came up and asked "where's Michael?" and I automatically teared up. My whole family asked how he was, where he was, if he got home to Chicago safely. It meant so much that my family accepts him in our family. He's become my life. And by them including him it sort of feels like they are accepting all of me. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else... but it meant a lot anyhow.

A storm was about to come through, so Cigi, Jasmine, and Elissa got on the road early Christmas afternoon... Without the little one, the house was bare, silent... I hated it. Then we checked the weather and it was getting snowy and bad down south so Whit and Marlene got on the road as well. Then it hit. I was alone. The fun and loud noise in the house, gone. I had yesterday (Friday) off from work expecting to still have family in town... and I just spent the day in my jammies and in my room all day. Thank goodness I had work today even if only for 4.5 hours... atleast it gave me a reason to get outta bed... I love my family so much. I can't wait for next Friday to drive down to LA and see my family again. Love and Miss you all.

-Shivey

Thank Heavens for an iPhone at work...

2008-11-20T13:45:00.000-08:00

Boring Day At Work....

2008-11-20T09:25:00.000-08:00

So today is Thursday. And I'm pretty sure the only thing that's exciting about today was that I was able to see how much my paycheck will be tomorrow. Nothing really going on... So I decided I would document my boring day at work. So here it is...

I get to work this morning at 9am. There were a few cars in the parking lot, most of them waiting to use the atm. When I walked inside- there was one customer in the whole branch. His name is Danny, and he's a chef at a local restaurant. Very nice guy...

So I get my cash drawer out of the vault and log onto the drive thru computer. It's freezing here at the drive thru, so ofcourse I plug-in the old rickety space heater. While I'm unthawing, I stood at the drive thru for a good.... oh I dont know... 20 minutes before I had my first transaction of the day.

So I was standing here bored out of my mind, then I decided to play with my phone and take random pictures of myself... then ofcourse I decided to go take pictures with and of co-workers... And if you know me, it ofcourse escalated to "ohhh.... go outside and take a picture of me at the drive thru"... etc.

So anyways, I put up the photos so you all can laugh at how boring a day of working at WaMu is. :) Love you all!!!!

Lies, lies, lies....

2008-10-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

I've never been one to lie. I hate lying. I have the hardest time with myself afterwards... and as hard as I try to justify it to myself... it's just not right.

I lied twice yesterday...

I hate when I feel like I HAVE to lie... Like I can't get through the situation without lying. The pressure to lie in this world is just crazy. And the people that are honest by nature are rare indeed...

Long time no.... Blog?

2008-09-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

So WaMu is no longer... Where does this leave Little Shivey? Between the hours of 8:45am - 6:15pm I'm lost. Where am I? What does this mean for me? The past 2 and a half years I've lived for WaMu. I've worked hard to learn policies, remember customers, build rapport, make new friends/business contacts, etc. I've tried so hard to be the best "WaMulian". And last Thursday night I learned that all we gave to this company wasn't good enough. I hadn't been good enough... or at least that's how I felt.

The company was sold to JP Morgan Chase Bank. And now comes the thoughts:
-"How long will I have my job?"
-"Where should I look for a job?"
-"What will happen to all of my fellow WaMulians?"

Hey.... if you have an open position.... let me know.

Feeling Lost

2008-09-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

The love of my life lives an hour and 45 minutes away. We've been doing all we can to cope with that fact. He leaves from work every Friday afternoon and drives to St George, gets there about 20-30 minutes after I get home from work. And then we enjoy Saturday and Sunday - 2 amazing full days together. And I drive down to vegas when I have a day off during the week.

This has been our routine, our life...

I feel like the last 3 months of travelling back and forth, only seeing my lovey for 2 maybe 3 days a week... it's caught up to me. I constantly miss him. It's ridiculous! It's like... how did I get through my days without him before? I'm just going to put an effort into having a great time with my friends and family, and just enjoy our time together.

Love you all.

~Morning Routine Epiphanies~

2008-09-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

My time in the morning- in the shower, blow drying my hair, etc... that's my time to think over things in my life. This morning I had so many thoughts running through my head...

Last night Michael and I were talking future talk... He's looking into being a police officer. And with his military background, there's no trouble getting into that field. We were looking at certain cities Police Departments... checking the salary, benefits, etc. We even looked at apartments in the areas to see price ranges...

There was one thought or feeling that stuck with me since we started looking online last night, was going through my thoughts this morning, and still with me now- I just hope this isn't the whole "yeah we should do this!" and it never happens. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that Michael doesn't follow through- I just want the next part of our lives -the part that we start together- to be now. I'm sick of the waiting... the wanting...

I want my life with Michael to start.

Twisted Principles...

2008-09-16T10:10:00.001-07:00

Ever since I was a child my parents taught me certain principles... certain beliefs...

It's so hard now as an adult realising that the principles/beliefs you were taught as a child were somewhat skewed... Bare with me, my thoughts are so jumbled I'm trying so hard to piece things out. Maybe skewed is the wrong word. The way I was raised was great, it has made me who I am. And who I am now has an amazing and loving boyfriend, great friends, ...great life. But with the way I was raised, I feel that if I were to ever go against those principles/beliefs... that I would be an automatic disappointment. A let down. Because with the principles/beliefs I was raised to believe... that's the only way, it's the right way.

Hmm... I'm just so torn.

Nothing a little alcohol can't take care of....

2008-09-11T15:16:00.000-07:00

I just thought that title would be hilarious...

Today is full of emotions, but mainly I'm just tired. And if you know me, you'd understand that if I'm tired... all the other emotions come out in full effect.

So yeah... Maybe I should get some sleep?